Being Informed

 Being Informed 

(aka societies distinct oversight in leaving women unprepared for pregnancy)

I am not convinced, that society has really moved on from the days when this add was acceptable. It seems that pregnancy is still a huge secret, something you only get to learn about if you actually enter into it's hallowed halls. How have we managed to get to a place, where we actively teach kids about puberty in schools, we give out our pre-adolescent girls 'sample packs' at age 9, we have baskets of condoms for the taking at many youth facilities, we see frequent and more graphic adds for tampons, liners and erectile disfunction, and don't even mention the amount of sex and female nudity we see in the movies. Oh yeah - and the laughable fake pregnancies and birth scenes which every now and then we are treated to. Yet still we are all allowed to enter adulthood and at some stage, our own pregnancy knowing very, very little about what 'being pregnant' actually entails.

Before I got pregnant, I knew precisely the following.

• How to get pregnant.
• That I'd get bigger and gain weight.
• That morning sickness hit most women and was awful and could continue right through.
• That labour hurt. A lot.

I may have had some vague notions surrounding things like stretch marks, practise contractions, that bleeding during pregnancy was bad and that pre-eclampsia was something I really didn't want. But in all honesty, that was it.

Before I got pregnant I was panicked about morning sickness, about the loss of control I'd have over my body and about the labour. 

Before I got pregnant, I knew nothing. And nothing is what I expected.

Re. Ality. Check.

My body is giving me so many surprises lately, that I don't think I can take anymore. I now have to wake up  and sit up, in order to roll over, as the weight of the baby makes my back click and and my hips scream STOP. I am having to learn all these 'secrets of pregnancy' at a super fast rate. Because NOBODY tells you about it before you get there. I had never heard of Colostrum or Breast Pads, or Maternity Pads, or Breast Pumps, or disposable hospital underwear before this year.  I didn't know that you would start leaking Colostrum before you'd even had the baby. I didn't know that your stomach stayed 'pregnant' after the baby was born. I didn't know that you'd bleed after giving birth, and most likely have to throw all your post-birth undies away. I didn't know about mucous plugs or 'bloody show' or the sacram or practise contractions, that it really hurts in the first trimester to sneeze or cough, that in the third trimester I'd get so huge I would actually need help getting in and out of the bed/bath/chair/car, be in constant pain and discomfort and want to sleep all the time.

Now that I am pregnant, I now understand why no-one really talks about it.

It's horrible. It's gross. It's uncomfortable and it's incredibly personal.

But that doesn't excuse the lack of knowledge non-mothers have about pregnancy and birth. If you don't understand the reality, you aren't fully informed. If you are not fully informed, how can you possibly be expected to make the right decision about anything. It's the reason we are going through pregnancies freaking out at every new twinge or 'leakage' that occurs, because we really don't know what is or isn't normal. It's akin to going to the airport with a suitcase of your favourite beach clothes, getting on a plane with no idea where you're going, spending the whole time dreaming about oceans and sand, then landing in Alaska with no return ticket and being greeted by a guide speaking a language you barely understand who tells you 'well, now you're here, this is how you survive.'

Before I got pregnant, I was adament that I'd have an epidural, gas, drugs, anything to get me through labour and out the other side, and more than likely was going to have an elective C-section in order to avoid it altogether. 

Since I've been pregnant, I have completely changed my mind about labour, I now want it to be as natural as possible, because now I'm aware of what actually goes along with having a c-section, drugs or an epidural. 

I can't wait to meet my daughter. But I want to meet her wide awake.

Morose Ghost Mover Step #1 - 5

I have taken action. I've been transferred to a fantastic outpatient unit called mothers and babies which specialises in mothers mental health (funny that!).  Tomorrow is the baby shower, and I'm super excited. I think it's because of the fact that three friends are organising it for me...and that is not something I've experienced before. Plus, my sister is flying down from shakey Wellington to be there and hang out before the baby gets here (SQUEEEE!) I talked to the midwife about maybe having to take maternity leave earlier, as getting around easilt is becoming quite an issue, I will talk to the deputy principal about my options next week. But mostly, I have been focusing on getting my head straight again. Thinking positively, being excited, and trying to relax a little. Here are the top three tips from today :)

Step 1

Keep ignoring mother in law's well meaning tips on keeping the house tidy with a new baby - or indeed at any time. Give husband a 'talking to' when he passes such advice on. I may not run a tidy house, but dammit, I will run a happy house.

Step 2

Run a bath. Do some Yoga. Read some more about Hypnobirthing. Do something to relax.

http://www.peaceofmind.org.nz/hypnobirthing.htm

This is something that is certainly keeping me super calm and relaxed about the next few months and the labour, so I will be reviewing and talking about my experience with it as I go. So far....LOVING IT!

Step 3

Ignore the dishes.

Ignore the washing.

Paint some drawers in the sunshine!

They look FANTASTIC! Will finish them tomorrow when my sister is here to help me move them...probably shouldn't have moved them by myself today, but hey! Couldn't resist. I hope you like them as much as I do Baby, 'cos they are all for you!

Verdict: Morose Ghost Mover is so far being effective. Win.

Morose Ghost

This, is a Morose Ghost:

This, is a Morose Me

My husband says we are currently very similar, Morose Ghost and I. 

Maybe that's because I no longer fit into my (once almost too big) favourite coat?

Or possibly my lack of shoe/sock putting on/off capability?

Or possibly the fact that I need this many pillows, arranged exactly like this in order to sleep even a little?

Or perhaps it's my cats frequent looks of disdain?

Either way, it's time for

MOROSE GHOST MOVER!

I'm off to look for them, I will let you know how I go!

Baby Showers

I had never been to a baby shower before last weekend, when I attended a friends shower. It was sweet, and a nice group of friends all talking babies and making her feel super special. Plus, she looked amazing. Maybe that's why I'm suddenly feeling sad about my own shower, which is happening this weekend. There are a lot of people who can't make it, or who can't be there till later, plus my family all live in different cities and can't make it either.

I never had a hens night, or a 21st or really celebrated anything like that, so perhaps that's why this has taken on such importance in my head. I feel like it's a big deal, and I'm really excited about it.  I have this weird notion that it's a really important thing, and that people should be making an effort to be there. That might explain why people not being able to be there or having to be late is really upsetting to me. Either that, or I'm just uber emotional this week. Which is also true.

Baby is now grown to a point that I can feel 'bits' of it moving and sliding beneath my skin, rather than just general kicks and punches. It is a very cool feeling to feel what might be a foot or a hand or even a knee pressing against your hand as it rolls over or squirms.

I still have 5 weeks until my maternity leave starts, but this baby has become the most important thing in my mind and my life, and I can't imagine how I'm going to make it through those 5 weeks. Not just because of how much of my brain space thinking about it occupies, but because I am increasingly immobile, uncomfortable and emotional. Let alone, the distinct lack of anything work suitable to wear.

I hope that I am a good parent. That I don't become someone who lives vicariously through my daughter. I hope that I can let her follow her own path and do what she enjoys doing. I hope that I can show her patience and understanding. I hope that I can give her the life she deserves.

29 weeks - antenatal

Ok, I think it's fair to say that this is getting pretty difficult now. Physically, and mentally it is taking quite a toll. At the start, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it because of all my anxiety and panic attack issues, but I've surprised myself on that front. For the most part, any anxiety I have had has been pregnancy related, and fairly normal concern about effects on the baby. I haven't been in a constant state of unrestrained panic or fear, like I imagined I would be. I haven't been freaking out and feeling like there is an alien living inside me, that something abnormal is happening and I might die at any minute. I have made it through some pretty extreme panic situations without taking my normal calming miracle pills. I certainly haven't been wishing it would all go away constantly, and I definitely haven't gone crazy. Yet.

Perhaps that is all about to end, I don't know. All I do know, is that the last month has been hard. At first I wasn't sure if I was hormonal or actually getting legitimately depressed. I couldn't tell if I was just wanting to hide at home because I was actually tired, or if I was making excuses because I am becoming increasingly self conscious about my changing appearance. I decided to wait it out. Figuring that things would get better. But they didn't. They got worse.

Last week I had a complete break down. I got teary, irritable, exhausted, couldn't sleep, couldn't be bothered getting up, getting dressed, or even eating properly. I desperately, desperately wanted it to be over. I must have had a baby growth spurt, because suddenly I can't put on my shoes, I can't bend, or reach for things, and even my husband reckoned I'd grown one afternoon. Literally, bigger since that morning apparently.

I have been rude to friends, basically my inner monitor or think before texting/speaking seems to have vanished. I simply can't be bothered being tactful right now. I don't want to leave the house. I feel like everyone's eyes are constantly on me. I feel like the elephant in the room....which isn't far from the truth as far as I'm concerned. For someone who had pretty severe Social Anxiety right from 11 years old to mid twenties, these things are a big deal. I like to be invisible. I like to go about my day and not be noticed. I like to not be the topic of conversation. It is honestly, extremely disconcerting to suddenly find that I am public property.

Physically, things are tougher, walking is harder, and much slower than it should be. Sleeping with less than three pillows under my head makes the blood pound in my skull regardless of which way I am sleeping. Leg cramps can wake me biting back a scream, and the pain lingers for days afterwards. Sometimes baby kicks so hard, I actually worry that my skin can't possibly hold it in any longer.

I delayed getting pregnant for ages because I was terrified of the labour and morning sickness. Turns out, the things that are bothering me most, aren't even things I had considered. I never thought about actually BEING pregnant. I'd worried about physical things, but hadn't even contemplated the mental strain.

Fair to say that I do have antenatal depression. Something I'd (stupidly) never even considered. I'd heard about postnatal depression, and been quite worried about that, but this? Washing and folding the baby clothes helps a bit. It lets me be a bit excited about what this hard work is leading up to. Perhaps I will start sleeping in the nursery to lift my mood. Oh, and we start antenatal classes tomorrow. That will hopefully be fun. In the meantime, here's a sad kitten.

10 Surprising Uses For Stomach Muscles

They say you never miss it till it's gone. So believe me, the use of my stomach muscles is now definitely gone! I challenge you to tie a 3 kilo bag of something to your middle for a day, and then, try to do all these things :) Have fun!

#10 - Vacuuming

So much twisting, turning, reaching for plugs, pushing and pulling....

#9 - Putting on Shoes

When there is a bump this big in your way? Good luck!

#8 - Shaving your legs

See above. I'm not deliberately trying to return to my primitive roots, I promise.

#7 - Carrying anything heavier than a plate

Currently still possible....just. Tending to drag things behind me where possible. 

#6 - Reaching up high

Things are increasingly being moved to lower shelves in our house. It looks like hobbits live here.

#5 - Putting on pants/socks/stockings/underwear

Ha. Ha. Ha.

#4 - Tying shoe laces

I gave up on this weeks ago. I only wear things that have zips or slip on easily now. 

#3 - Getting off (or out of) the couch/bed/bath/car

I am stubbornly still refusing hubby's generous and concerned offers for help with this. Stupid, stupid pride! Apparently I feel better acting (and sounding) like a stuck seal, than accepting help and getting up somewhat gracefully. (Not sure how much longer I can keep it up though).


#2 - Rolling over in bed

This now takes careful planning, kind of like a 7 point turn in a car, and I MUST be awake for it. Apparently.

#1 - Laughing, coughing, sneezing

Pain. Pain. Pain. Oh, and Poise of course. Thanks Poise.