Baby Showers

I had never been to a baby shower before last weekend, when I attended a friends shower. It was sweet, and a nice group of friends all talking babies and making her feel super special. Plus, she looked amazing. Maybe that's why I'm suddenly feeling sad about my own shower, which is happening this weekend. There are a lot of people who can't make it, or who can't be there till later, plus my family all live in different cities and can't make it either.

I never had a hens night, or a 21st or really celebrated anything like that, so perhaps that's why this has taken on such importance in my head. I feel like it's a big deal, and I'm really excited about it.  I have this weird notion that it's a really important thing, and that people should be making an effort to be there. That might explain why people not being able to be there or having to be late is really upsetting to me. Either that, or I'm just uber emotional this week. Which is also true.

Baby is now grown to a point that I can feel 'bits' of it moving and sliding beneath my skin, rather than just general kicks and punches. It is a very cool feeling to feel what might be a foot or a hand or even a knee pressing against your hand as it rolls over or squirms.

I still have 5 weeks until my maternity leave starts, but this baby has become the most important thing in my mind and my life, and I can't imagine how I'm going to make it through those 5 weeks. Not just because of how much of my brain space thinking about it occupies, but because I am increasingly immobile, uncomfortable and emotional. Let alone, the distinct lack of anything work suitable to wear.

I hope that I am a good parent. That I don't become someone who lives vicariously through my daughter. I hope that I can let her follow her own path and do what she enjoys doing. I hope that I can show her patience and understanding. I hope that I can give her the life she deserves.