Top 5 Strange Toddler Games

#1 Hello Light
We have a security system which has movement sensors in various places in the house. When something bigger than the cat makes any kind of movement, BAM, a light flicks on in the corner.

The child figured this out one day and has proceeded to drag every adult she comes into contact with, into the corridor to show them this incredible phenomenon at any available opportunity, and even at very unavailable opportunities.

"Hello light!" rings out for a good half minute before the light switches off, at which point she frantically waves and cries out 'bye bye light' until it switches back on and just like that, the game starts again.

#2 Close The Door
All doors must be closed. At all times. This includes (but is not limited to)
- Pantry Door
- Fridge Door
- Dishwasher Door
- Cupboard Doors
- Drawer Doors
- Car Doors

If it's open - it must be shut. The rules are simple and relatively easy to learn. There doesn't seem to be a clear winner in this game, but it seems more of a 'personal best' kind of thing.

#3 Get The Alphabet Magnets onto the Floor
Similar to the rules of 'Close the Door', I haven't yet figured out the ultimate way to win at this particular game. It seems to be a 'beat your best time' strategy around how fast the letters can be swiped off the fridge door before mummy says 'stop', and then how many more you can get off before she picks you up and removes you from the game.

It certainly seems like it's entertaining, and she is definitely improving at it.

#4 Make Mummy Say Ow!
This is a more sadistic game, resulting in uproarious laughter whenever she succeeds. As usual, the goal is simple, but worryingly, there doesn't seem to be any rules around how you are allowed to get there. So far I've been subjected to some crazy hair styling, eye lid flicking, ear pulling, hair pulling and being the incredibly sneaky 'water on the kitchen floor' premeditated attack. I shudder to think what she will come up with next!

#5 What Can I Make People Do If I Pretend To Cry?
This is definitely a more advanced game, and not one for the faint hearted, involving the use of rather impressive drama skills.

The goal is simple, but difficult to achieve. Make the adult give you what you want.

You win if you get it.
You lose if they catch on and start mimicking your fake crying, forcing you to start laughing at how silly your face looks.

What interesting games does your toddler play?

CAA Bullies Small Business Owners To Breaking Point

A slight shift from my usual topics. But one that is very important to me. Please SHARE far and wide!

A little over a week ago, a group of people from New Zealand’s Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), walked into a friendly, family run flight training business( www.uflyextreme.co.nz ) in small town Motueka, at the end of a long day of flying. They pretended to be interested in going for a flight, and, despite having been getting ready to leave for the day, the husband and wife pair happily obliged them.

Moments later, after having received a full instructional pre flight briefing, and before the ‘customer’ even got into the plane (where the real instruction begins), the group revealed their true identities and declared the long running and very successful business to be operating illegally.

U Fly Extreme has operated under a unique business model for nearly 20 years. That is – they can and will teach you to fly a Pitts Special aircraft, and if you are really keen, will also instruct you through performing some exciting aerobatic manoeuvres. This is only possible because the pilot, Vincent D’Ath is an extremely capable, fully trained flight instructor. If you need convincing – liken it to having a driving lesson, but instead of taking out the old Starlet, you get to drive a race car.

After you fly, you receive a certificate, which states how much flight time you logged, and who with and your log number. So that if you are training elsewhere, or you intend to start, you can include this flight in your total flight hours.

Just over a year ago, British actor James Nesbitt came to our shores and learned to fly as part of a tourism documentary, which screened in multiple countries. (http://www.stuff.co.nz/…/Nesbitt-doco-pushes-tourists-our-w…),

The reviews that flood in from around this world are without exception, glowing, like this one from Canadian’s Jordan and Jenna (http://www.stokedforsaturday.com/…/11/time-flew-stunt-plane/), or this one from England’s Arianwen Morris(http://beyondblighty.com/pilot-a-stunt-plane-in-abel-tasman/), and even this one which lists the flight in it’s top 10 things to do in New Zealand(http://www.gapyear.com/…/10-activities-in-new-zealand-for-a…).

And that’s before you even look at sites such as tripadvisor.co.nz which list a 100% 5 star rating with reviews such as this one from Aucklander Mitchell Taylor “What a thrill !! I've just logged my FOURTH instructional flight with Vince and Alison's Pitts special. I cannot recommend enough this opportunity to everyone, especially since it is right here in our own back yard !! You will not be disappointed, this will be the one you want to tick off the bucket list more than once. See you soon for another lesson :D” (sic);

Or activities ranking site Rankers.co.nz which has 95% of customers giving it a 10/10 rating. You only have to scroll through the first page to be flooded with reviews which all seem to say the same thing:

“My flight in the Pitts special was so incredible. It's like race car driving in a 3 Dimensional world! Despite the extreme nature of the flight I always felt safe and secure in the aircraft. The attention to detail concerning both my safety and comfort was fantastic. I learned a lot about flying and have since offered rides to everyone in our family and will be back again soon! "

So why has the CAA suspended this license? They claim that U Fly Extreme does not offer Instructional Flights, and therefore cannot fly under its current Flight Training license.

Just like that, the red tape has gone up. The bureaucrats have struck once more and another gem in the crown of New Zealand entrepreneurialism will be destroyed. A hardworking couple will have their lives pulled out from under them in their mid fifties, and will have to start again.

And the truly sad part is, that whether the owners are in the right or the wrong is no longer relevant, because in order to fight this, two exceptional kiwis who dared to offer people a different kind of flight training, and for many, the experience of a lifetime, must face bankruptcy in order to fight it.

Even worse, this is not the first small aviation business this has happened to.

Surely, there is someone out there who can help?

Videos To Watch When You Need To Giggle

Sometimes, as a mum, you find yourself in desperate need of something to laugh about. However, the idea of trawling the internet for funnies is more than you can bare!

Fear not fellow Mummies! I have done the work for you!

Below are five (hopefully) guaranteed to make you laugh youtube clips - they haven't failed me yet.

German Words:

Oh the hilarity of the German language! Don't mistake me, I love Germany and it's people, but this clip plays to cultural stereotypes beautifully.

Michael Mcintyre - People With No Children Don't Know.

Let's be honest - people without children, really, really, don't have a clue. But they honestly believe they do, and once upon a time, so did we. But now we know better, so, so much better. And at times, we honestly wish we didn't.

Dear Cool Mum - from Whatsupmoms.com

Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about, the weird mum thing that happens when your kid starts interacting with another kids and suddenly you are having a crazy interaction with the other kids mum via a strange conversation through your respective children, but all you really want is for that other mum to think you are cool.... Actually, just go to that website, it's brilliant.

Parks and Recreation

Any episode from season 2 onwards - just binge watch them all! My personal favourite character is Ben Wyatt, and Andy Dwyer. Oh and Ron Swanson...Dammit I just love them all!

Babies in Tunnels

Yeah, you read that right. It's hilarious. I have got to try this with our monster one day soon. Very soon. Maybe today.

I hope one of these makes you smile xxx

Super Nutricious Disaster

There comes a time, in most mothers' lives, when they really do wonder how on earth their brains have deteriorated into the motherly mush they have become. Days of the week quickly become redundant as each day blurs into the next, sometimes days and nights have no meaning as you count the minutes of sleep you managed, or wonder where you put your cup of tea, only to find it days later in the pantry next to the plastic container of formula powder you forgot you had switched out of the tin! 

This moment happened to me over the weekend, when I attempted to make some muffins. I was running a masterclass and thought it would be nice to have some food out for the students.

Now, I make muffins all the time, in fact, I would happily call myself something of a muffin connoisseur, an expert even, if you will. I regularly substitute ingredients, play with quantities and create entirely new and delicious muffin recipes, so when I accidentally put in double the amount of milk, I was mortified!

Luckily I still had the tupperware container of flour out on the bench, which confused me for a second cos I had put all the containers away - but clearly not. I am obviously losing my mind, or getting early onset alzheimers (oh please don't let that be the case). I frantically tried to save my recipe by trying to double the flour - I managed to salvage almost two whole cups of it before it ran out, which was strange because I swore there was more a moment ago. For a moment I thought - is this even flour? Because weirdly the mixture didn't really thicken! In the end, I gave up on trying to make them into muffins, and instead, poured the enormous amount of mixture into two cake tins. I sprinkled the tops with cinnamon sugar and crossed my fingers that they would turn out ok.

Fortunately, they did turn out ok. I mean, the middle of each 'cake' sunk, but I cut them in half long ways, so no-one would ever know and presented them beautifully on a plate.

The students loved them! Success!! Someone even asked for the recipe!

It wasn't until two days later, when was giving the little one her bottle that I realised it wasn't flour I had tried to save the recipe with.

It was baby formula.

 

The Best Time

I have decided, that right now, is the best time in my life.

I am pretty sure that right now, is the time I will look back on and remember most fondly. That this will be when I was happiest, that life may not get much better than what it is right now.

I say this, because, although I get frustrated and bored and lonely and angry and just downright grumpy as usual, things are pretty darn ok.

The little one is no longer 100% dependant on me for everything. She is fun to play with, she loves to hug and she even gives the odd big sloppy kiss. Let me tell you, kisses from your kid are as close to heaven as you can get, in my humble opinion. Sure, she throws tantrums regularly, but they are short lived and she hasn't yet started to answer back or proclaim her hatred of us. I can see why people decide to have another kid when theirs around this age - but I must admit, my memories of having a new born haven't blurred enough to persuade me just yet!

I have enough singing students coming through to keep me sane, in contact with teens and adults daily and to make ends meet. The psychologist has a job he appears to love and so he comes home relatively happy on most days.

It's been a fantastic summer, with a brilliant family beach-bach holiday thrown in over new years, and the good weather has ensured we get in lots of fun family bike rides at weekends.

Perhaps that's why I am not writing so regularly? Because, who wants to write about how great things are, when you can close the computer and live it?

Telling Lies on Facebook

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a person in possession of a facebook page, must carefully curate what is posted.

And this sucks.

Seriously.

I have a strong hate-love-hate relationship with the social media giant, in that I hate that I love it, and also love that I hate it. It messes with me, as you can tell.

I love that it means I don't lose touch with old friends who I actually care about, or overseas friends who I would never see. Because let's be honest, writing letters is hard work and phone calls are expensive...and tricky when you start to forget a language you once 'kind of spoke for a while'. To be brutal, most of my friends would have vanished from my periphery, to be swallowed up by the endless pull of real life, never to be seen or heard from again, if it weren't for easy one line status updates and posting of photos straight from your phone.

Because I suck at keeping in touch.

But you have to take the good with the bad, and oh boy there is some bad! It comes in tricky disguises, not the obvious 'Gah, my day is sucking so bad' vague status updates of that friend who seems to need constant reassurance (guilty). Or the 'this man went to stroke a tiger, what happens next WILL SHOCK YOU' click bait spam generated by computer illiterate old timey facebook friends *cough* family. No, no, no. The worst kind of bad there is on facebook, are the happy posts. The pretty posts, the 'I'm more in love with you every year' anniversary updates and 'here's me at the eiffel tower with my french beau having just a glorious time' holiday uploads, or the 'Hey guys, can't update right now because I have no internet connection because I'm helping baby turtles into the ocean in guatemala while building houses for humanity in a warzone and I have given my phone to an orphan' once a year posts from the off-the-grid friend who you literally never see anymore because, well, they are helping baby turtles and...just...GAH!

ENOUGH!

A picture speaks a thousand words. Which facebook certainly doesn't let you post...I don't think. But sometimes pictures obscure the truth, blur the edges of a sharp reality and hide what you don't want others to see. Status updates do the same thing but with words, which you edit and rewrite and think about until they are perfect, then you click 'post'.

Here are some pictures taken yesterday by our friend and photographer Raewyn Murray .

Don't we look amazing! The happiest most perfect and harmonious family, pretty much in the history of the world - and god my hair has grown!

Look at us, laughing and having so much fun (which we were). Nothing can break us apart! We are what everyone dreams of being. We have what everyone wants.

Sigh. Even I want that!

What you don't see amongst the incredible beauty (ha!), is that just half an hour before this, the wee one had been throwing a tantrum, screaming, refusing to be put down and crying loud grumpy tears for the better part of an hour, and we were at our wits end with how to make it stop.

What you also don't see is that earlier in the day, hubby and I had a huge fight in the middle of a park where we all but decided we should get a divorce. But then, what should we do with the child?

Photos may be beautiful, filtered works of art, and status updates often envy inducing slaps in the face. But as we approach our fifth wedding anniversary (and our tenth year of being together), we have learnt one thing for sure.

People only let you see what they want you to see. Life is hard. Love is harder and Facebook blurs the edges of it all.

xx