Why Depression Needs to be Treated Like Other Life Threatening Illnesses

I know. Another post about suicide in a week filled with posts about suicide. Because one man, close to so many of our hearts, felt so hopeless that he did the 'unthinkable' and ended his life, and suddenly, everyone is talking about it.

This week, all the mental health facebook groups I am part of, have been full of trigger warnings, posts by people being deeply affected by the ignorant status updates, tweets and columns being written by people who have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

I've had this conversation before. "Suicide is the ultimate act of selfishness" I've been told by professionals in no uncertain terms. "Think of your family. Think of your friends".

I've had this conversation with a fellow colleague in regards to a student who committed suicide, he was angry and kept talking about how 'selfish' the student had been.

I've had this conversation with my husband in regards to my own depressive thoughts. Only to be pushed further into despair because truly, at that time he could not understand.

But they were wrong.

Suicide may be selfish, but those who attempt it, are not being selfish. 

In those moments, days, seconds when you are in that much pain, when you are watching those around you suffer because of your suffering, you do not try to kill yourself because you want out regardless of what it will do to those you love. You do it because you want out because of the relief it will bring them.

You see the pain you are causing them and you no longer want to be their burden but you can't see any other way to make this happen.

You see the toll it is taking on their lives, their spirits, their daily routines and you no longer want to be the one bringing everyone else down with you. But the pain is so great, that you literally feel it in every fibre and you have no idea how to make it stop.

Depression that deep, messes with you in ways that no one can articulate. It is an illness so insidious that most people who get it, will fight it silently for years, over and over again, without anyone knowing.

So next time you see a friend who is 'down', or you are confided in by someone who trusts you enough to tell you that they are feeling so bad they want to kill themselves, don't push them closer to the edge by telling them to think of their friends and family. Don't pull them deeper into despair by telling them how selfish they are being.

When you are well, you can see that taking your own life is not the answer. You can see that there is hope. But until we, as a society, are able to take Depression as seriously as any other life threatening illness, then those who are in need, are going to remain in the shadows.

Because would you admit to being unwell, if you knew you have a high chance of being told to simply 'get over it', or worse, being judged as selfish?

Helpful things to do/say instead;

Sometimes you don't need to say anything, sometimes nothing you can say is going to help anyway.

But what will help - and possibly save a life - is just to be there. Whether that's in the same room, or in the same house, having someone around when you are in that deep can really make you feel a lot safer. Sometimes you don't feel like you have control of your own actions, so having someone around to make sure that you don't do 'something stupid', no matter how bad you feel is always a good thing.

If they have told you they feel suicidal, call a psychiatric emergency service, and do a check of their house for potentially threatening items - especially if they are going to be alone for any reason! As I mentioned above, it can feel like you are losing control of your mind, and everyday items suddenly seemed magnified and dangerous. Think about areas of the house they might go to, and what might be useful to remove for the time being. If somehow they do find a way to move from their bed, not having to look at the knives in the kitchen,  or the razor in the shower, or the pills in the cabinet can really make a difference.

Make them a cup of tea/coffee/hot chocolate. Actions speak loud. Real loud. And if someone takes the time to do these little things for you it does get through, sometimes just a tiny bit but perhaps that will be enough.

Make them muffins/food/casserole. Just like you would if they had a bad flu, or a new baby. Having good food they can stick in the microwave and eat without having to actually cook or create is a godsend. When you are depressed, your energy and will power are sapped, you end up eating whatever is at hand, or often, nothing at all because it's just too hard. Having frozen food will actually help keep your loved one healthy and help them get better.

Of course, being there in a non judgemental way is sometimes hard, and if you are having to care for a depressed person alone, you are going to struggle. So make sure you have support for yourself too!


Obligatory 'get help' contact details

• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 - Provides 24 hour telephone counselling
• Youthline: 0800 376 633 or free text 234 - Provides 24 hour telephone and text counselling services for young people
• Samaritans: 0800 726 666 - Provides 24 hour telephone counselling.
• Tautoko: 0508 828 865 - provides support, information and resources to people at risk of suicide, and their family, whānau and friends.
• Alcohol & Drug Helpline 0800 787 797  
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (noon to 11pm)
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (4pm - 6pm weekdays)