Motherhood vs Feminism - Is It Really A Choice?

Once upon a time, I was a very ambitious young woman.

I excelled at school. I never failed a test. I got a job as soon as I was legally able, and I saved all my money. I travelled the world alone at 18 years old. I sought out education wherever I could. I went to university and got a degree. I studied hard and got a huge student loan. Then I worked even harder to make my degree into a career, and eventually I caught the job I'd studied for.

I believed that women deserved equal pay, equal rights, equal opportunities.
I would instigate fights with my father over the fact that only my brother was allowed in Dad's work-shed when he wasn't at home. I believed my mother was hard done by as a stay at home mum, and so I stood up for her too, when my father demanded to know why the house was so untidy. I would sit in church as a pre-teen, seething as the priest dared preach a pro-life sermon. I started arguments with pastors over a woman's right to become religious leaders.

I believed, 100% that women could, and should be able to do everything.

Absolutely. Everything.

I have been raised in a society which encourages girls to do everything their male counterparts can do. But better. We have to prove ourselves their equal. We have to earn as much. We have to learn as much. But more than that, we have to earn, prove and learn more than they do.

All the while, people are reminding us that our so-called-clocks are ticking. Familiar phrases start to become part of regular catch ups; "Are you thinking of having kids?" "Don't leave it too long." "You really should start a family."

Before too long, those thoughts had embedded themselves in my mind. I believed I could and should have a baby. I believed that a baby was what was missing in my life. I believed that as a woman, it was my right to have a child. I was nearly 30 years old. What was I waiting for?

Now I am a Mother.

But I still hold those feminist ideals. They are ingrained in my soul and I can't let them go.

The job I studied so hard for, and worked even harder to find, was only mine for a mere one and a half years. I gave up my career to do this, and it feels like a crushing defeat. I no longer have my own income, and I feel like I'm stealing from my Husband. Whenever I must state my occupation, I now write 'Stay At Home Mum', and it feels like my years of education and the career I worked so hard for have been stolen from me.

I think back to a time long before I was born and feel nostalgia for it. I feel sad that in this day and age, in the circles I move, being just a Mum, isn't enough. Raising just a child, isn't enough. Keeping just a house, isn't enough. It's not enough for them, and it's not enough for me.

I find myself wishing for a time when being just a Mother was expected and respected.

So, like a lot of Mother's out there, we try to do both. Some Mother's manage to keep their career ticking along, others are forced to find work wherever they can, oftentimes not even using the years of study. In the process, we are working ourselves to the bone, on day and night shifts working what was traditionally (and biologically) women's work and traditionally (and less biologically) men's work, in an effort to be equal to men. Who, in most cases, have not had to meet us half way (stay at home fathers aside "I salute you!").

This Mother's Day, take a moment to think about all the Mum's you know, who are educated, intelligent women. Who have given up their studies and their careers in order to raise a family. Who are perhaps trying to reach the impossible standard now expected of Mum's by society. Who are suffering for it. Who are exhausted, both physically and mentally. Yet are beating themselves up and feeling guilty for doing so. Because the reality is different from what they were led to believe and this isn't what they were taught to do. We can't let go of the notion that we could and should be able to do everything a man does. Even when they can't.

So is it any wonder then, when you really think about it,  that so many Mothers are suffering and afraid to ask for help?

source:http://www.history.com/photos/world-war-ii-posters/photo2