Grumpy Cat

I've pretty much decided this week, that being pregnant, is the worst thing ever.

Yes, I am aware that is a selfish, nasty, ungrateful thing to say.That there are plenty of people far worse of than me, so how can I be so naive and cruel! But I never said that I wasn't any of those things. I am very aware that society dictates that I should feel happy, glowing, lucky and like something miraculous is occurring within me. A new life is being created! I am a vessel producing a miracle! Everything is going OH SO WELL!

Well, sorry world. That is not how I feel.
For three weeks now, all I have wanted, is to take a break from being pregnant. To step off this train for just a minute, and catch my breath. To lie on my stomach. To eat something without feeling like the devil. To be able to lift things without everyone around me crying 'NO!' To go for a run. To walk somewhere without being asked 'when are you due?' To wear normal clothes. To get myself out of a chair without having to roll out. To stop having to tell people how I'm feeling. To walk without needing to pee constantly.

Yes, everything is going normally.
Yes, a lot of people would be so happy to be in my position.
Yes, we had no trouble getting pregnant. Yay for us! But to be honest, getting pregnant was fun. I feel like we were robbed of time spent 'trying'. It happened insanely fast. I thought we'd have ages to get prepared.

I want to skip forward three months. I want the baby to be here. I am sick of feeling like I'm harbouring an alien. Watching my tummy move when I'm trying to relax is weird. Waking up to leg cramps is really not fun.

I want control of my body again. I want to see the baby in it's bassinet. To put it in it's bouncer. To watch it sleeping. To take it for walks. To hold it. Sing to it. To finally hold it and get to know it. To go on family holidays with it.

I am a horrible, horrible person. I can sense the backlash already.
But this is my reality. And I'm not apologising for how I feel.
Deal with it.