Attack of the 'What If's'!

Yesterday, I treated myself to a pregnancy magazine. Thinking (rather naively as it turns out), that it would make me feel better about all the weird pains, the bad skin, and the impending (and inevitable) labour process.

I was wrong.

All the pictures of happy, gorgeous pregnant women did nothing to raise my currently lowered self esteem, nor did the maternity fashion spread, in which the most 'affordable' item of clothing was a Tunic (spelt 'tunique') going for $77 AUD. Add to that the article about the 3 stages of labour in which I read this;

"It is absolutely paramount during labour that you feel 100% safe, as this sets up a colossal chain reaction mentally that can affect your labour physically. Feelings of fear or anger automatically activate our fight and flight hormones such as adrenaline, which quickens the heart rate, tenses muscles, intensifies pain, and during labour, inhibits the synthesis of oxytocin for productive labour contractions. Fear and anger in childbirth become like a strong head wind, hindering progress and lengthening the whole process."

Good. God.

A mild panic attack quickly followed, in which I tried to call my husband at work. No answer. I had a shower to calm down, but ended up crying instead. Quite simply, I have absolutely no faith in my ability to get through labour without a panic attack.

What if I cause baby distress?
What if I make it lose oxygen?
What if the midwife yells at me?
What if I pass out?
What if the doctors think I'm crazy?
What if it's my fault something goes wrong?
What if.......

Be strong little baby, we will make it through together. Somehow.