Life After Baby - With Baby

For the first time in more than 2 years, I am feeling...

Happy.

I feel normal. I feel like everything is alright.

I am not manic. I am not depressed. I am not anxious.

I am simply, being, me.

It's been a long time between writing, but that is simply, because, I am...

Happy.

Things are going well. I am starting to glimpse a life where I actually can have a life outside of being Mum.

I can feel bits of me returning. Like my soul has figured out how to live my life again. After two years of adjustment and overhaul, the fragments of myself are coming back together.

Daycare has saved my life. Those precious few hours each weekday where I can catch a breath, where I can enter the world of the Adult, and teach a few kids or eager adults some beautiful songs. That blissful Friday afternoon I have managed to keep completely free of work, where I can sleep, or go to a movie. All of this has saved me, and because of that, I can really start to live again.

My new medication is doing its job. I don't feel cloudy, I don't feel suicidal, I don't feel dizzy, or nauseated, over-ambitious, crazy or any more tired than what I should be with a 13 month old running around the house.

My husband encouraged me to audition for Phantom of the Opera, which is coming here next April. I figured why not, but didn't think I had a hope in hell of actually getting in.

But I did.

I am dumbfounded, and excited and nervous about how it will work - but at the same time, this is the first show I will have done in over 2 years, and the thought (stupid and obvious though it may be) that I can do a show whilst being a stay-at-home-mum, is ......

Indescribable.