A selfish and Ungrateful Day

Today began as one of those days, where I desperately, desperately did not want to get out of bed. I was even secretly hoping that today might be given to me as a day where Baby Bean slept for its entirety without anything being wrong. Today, I wanted, nay needed

A DAY OFF.

Today I wished (not for the first time) that I was my Husband. That I could get up in the morning, say goodbye to sleepy bean and exit the door in clothes guaranteed to remain clean until I returned home nine hours later. That I could safely predict by my watch, what time I would eat morning tea and lunch. That I could sit down and complete my reports and paperwork in uninterrupted half hour stretches and then, after a stressful day working in adult-land, I could drive home, looking forward to seeing my baby in whatever state she was in.

Unfortunately, today, like every other day, my wish remained ungranted.

Instead, I was forced out of bed to calm a crying baby. Changed her, fed her, changed her again after getting pumpkin all through her hair. Realised I needed to get dressed but delayed that out of a necessity to clean the filthy kitchen. At some point I managed to eat breakfast while Bean lay frustrated at her inability to roll back the other way. Today I was too tired to play but not too tired to feel bad about it.

I knew that I should leave the house. I knew that a walk would do us both good. But the mere thought of getting everything required to leave for said walk was simply an insurmountable task.

Today there were tears, and 'please don't take too long to get home' phone calls. There was the 'I don't understand why' and 'you don't understand what' conversation and at some point, a block of chocolate vanished and a bottle of cider was emptied in record time.

Today was a Keep-It-Together day. And somehow I made it through - just.

Now I am locked in my room. With a guarantee of not being interrupted for anything baby related until this time tomorrow morning. Bliss. This is the upside of bottle feeding.

But today, I still want my old life back.

http://dubaiunveiled.files.wordpress.com