Boy or Girl...

In exactly two hours, we will (hopefully) be told wether we are having a boy, or a girl.

I am currently riding a wee emotional rollercoaster, this morning I was super calm. I drove to the midwife, realised that I'd forgotten my folder, turned back for it, realised that that would make me 15 minutes late, so turned around again. Chatted happily with my midwife, did pee test for UTI's, glucose and protein, heard the heartbeat again - it was much louder and stronger this time, so my 'what if' attacks have no ground at this point, baby is definitely still there. I haven't harmed it with my flying panic attacks, or having too hot a bath, or lying on my back, side, front, or eating a tiny bit of blue cheese. I also got a medical certificate to verify that I am in fact pregnant, so that I can apply for maternity leave. I left feeling excited and energetic and impatient to get the big scan over with.

A mere hour later I am now on the verge of tears after reading some articles about people giving birth, living with babies, and being pregnant. Not scared tears though, just emotional ones. A lot of things are setting me off lately, it seems it doesn't take much at all, a picture of a cute baby hedghog. A beautiful song. Going to my first pregnancy yoga class and talking to other mums to be, realising that I am normal. I can hardly think straight, I keep forgetting things which shouldn't be so hard to remember.  All I can think about is, 'is it a girl or a boy'?

I'm so excited, I feel like, once we know what sex it is, we can start naming it, and planning properly and that everything will feel even more real than it already is. I don't know why though, as it's already pretty real, and it wouldn't make a difference what we were having, we would still plan the same. But there it is, I have set myself off again!